


5 Times People Didn't See How Bad Tony Was Hurting (And 1 Time They Did)

by literally_no_idea



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Electrocution, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Torture, Waterboarding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 10:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literally_no_idea/pseuds/literally_no_idea
Summary: Look, I write a lot of stories about Tony and his PTSD.Is it self-indulgent? Yes.Is it basically just a way of coping with my own problems? Yes.Am I going to keep posting all of these stories? Probably.Do I have any intention of stopping myself from writing and posting these stories? No.





	5 Times People Didn't See How Bad Tony Was Hurting (And 1 Time They Did)

1.

 

They’re watching Harry Potter as a team, and everything’s going fine until Dumbledore dies, falling from the top of the tower. Tony watches him fall, and he feels like he’s falling again, can’t shake the feeling that he needs to call Pepper, can’t stop feeling like this is the end, and he finally just stands up and leaves, making some kind of excuse about needing to get some work done or sleep or something.

 

The others look around at each other, sharing confused looks, but eventually just turn back to the movie, ignoring Tony’s sudden weird behavior.

 

2.

 

There’s a center for child abuse victims that asks the Avengers to come in and say hi to the kids, and Steve tells them yes without consulting the rest of the team, assumes that this shouldn’t be a problem since no one has any major obligations tomorrow. When he tells the rest of the team, Tony tenses, asks him why he didn’t check with everyone first, and Steve glares at him.

 

“Really, Tony? You can’t spare an hour or two of your time to make some kid’s day? I knew you were insensitive, but this is a whole new level of terrible, even for you.”

 

Tony does his best to shrug Steve’s words off. “That’s not what I’m saying, I don’t put ‘philanthropist’ in my job description for nothing, I just wanted to make sure it would be okay with everyone, not all of us are historical relics with all the free time in the world,” he says, and Steve rolls his eyes but moves on, figures that this is just Tony being weird again.

 

3.

 

Thor and Tony get into a mock argument about what movie to watch next, and Tony is determined to win this one, because  _ it’s his tower, damn it, _ that ought to have some kind of meaning.

 

Tony has almost reached the remote when Thor grabs him from behind, drops him on the couch and sets Mjolnir on his chest, pinning him to the seat. Thor snatches up the remote, grinning, and then picks up Mjolnir again, patting Tony’s shoulder.

 

“Do not feel bad, Stark, you’re simply not as strong as a God,” he says, and Tony nods, trying to shake off the uncomfortable tightness in his chest as he sits up, pretends that he can’t feel a hole in his chest where the first arc reactor once sat, can’t hear Obadiah’s voice and feel a hand still on his shoulder.

 

4.

 

Clint’s making dinner, and Tony’s sitting at the kitchen counter, working on some schematics for his next suit, when Clint holds something out in his direction. “Hey, can you hold this for a second?”

 

Tony takes the item without thinking about it, too absorbed in his work, and it’s not until he takes it that he realizes that it’s a pan that just came off the stove, and he’d just grabbed onto the side of it. The hot metal burns his hand, and Tony reaches up to grab the actual handle with his other hand, hissing in pain.

 

Clint turns, frowning. “Dude, what the fuck? Did you not look before you took it?”

 

“No, I didn’t” Tony says, “I just got distracted, it’s fine.”

 

Clint takes the pan back from him. “Well, is your hand at least okay?” He asks, and Tony looks down, can’t tell the new burns apart from the normal scarring on his hands.

 

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Tony says, and Clint shrugs, turning back to his cooking without pursuing the conversation any further.

 

5.

 

Fury sends Tony on a mission that requires him to get captured and tortured so he can infiltrate a Hydra base. Tony tries to argue his way out of it, asking if Natasha or Clint can do it, they are the spies, after all, but Fury shuts him down, informing him that they need an expert in engineering, and no one has the knowledge on the topic that he has.

 

When Tony gets captured, they chain him up in a dark room underground, only letting him out to interrogate him. The first time they pull him out, he takes in the layout of the building, plans exactly how he’s going to get out. He’ll need at least one more time to confirm that they’ll follow the same plan each time they interrogate him, so he goes along with them, lets himself be dragged into another room and be restrained to a chair, takes every punch and kick they give him, refuses to cooperate, and is finally taken back to his cell.

 

The next day, at least he assumes it’s the next day, they take him out again, lead him down the same path into the same room, but instead of tying him to a chair this time, they shove him onto his knees in front of a bucket of water, and no, no no no, not this, anything else. Tony thrashes, tries to escape the grip on his shoulders but can’t, panics as they shove his head into the bucket, inhales water and chokes, coughs up water when they lift his head back up.

 

They shove his head back under, and he’s hoping that this will just be over soon when he feels something press against his lower back and then there’s an electric shock spreading across his back, and he convulses, sobs as they pull his head back out of the water. He doesn’t give them any of the information they ask for, and he doesn’t know how much later it is when he’s finally chained back up in his cell, shaking and whimpering weakly.

 

The next time the pull him out of the cell, he enacts his escape plan and succeeds just as he had expected, returns to S.H.I.E.L.D. with the information they need, and Fury just dismisses him without another word. Tony goes home and curls up on his bathroom floor, throwing up into his toilet until he’s just dry heaving, stomach acid burning his throat raw, finally collapsing on the floor, unconscious.

 

When he wakes up the next day, he cleans himself up, goes back to the communal floor as if nothing happened, jumps right back into his life as usual, ignoring the bile in his throat every time he goes near a water source.

 

+1.

 

Natasha comes down to Tony’s workshop one day, and Tony lets her in, decides that it’ll be easier to just get whatever it is over with. “What can I do for you?” he asks her, and Natasha drags a chair over to the table he’s at, sitting across from him.

 

“I wanted to talk to you. I think I may have gotten some things wrong in my initial report about you, and I wanted to see if I couldn’t get some clarification.”

 

Tony stops what he’s doing, looks up at her curiously. “Well, this is the most honest you’ve been in a while, which is just a little frightening, so sure, go ahead, what do you want to know.”

 

“What did they do to you in that cave?” she asks.

 

“You’ve already read the reports about it,” he says, and Natasha shakes her head.

 

“That’s not what I’m asking. I think there’s things that people missed, or didn’t say, and I think no one’s taken the time to ask you, so I want to know from you. What happened?”

 

Tony takes a deep breath, letting it out quickly and turning back to his work. “Look, it doesn’t really matter. I don’t know why you suddenly want to know more, but there really isn't much else, so you’ll just have to move on.”

 

Natasha watches him silently for a moment before standing up and walking back to the door. “Okay. But if you want to talk to someone about it, you should. I think it would help. It helped me,” she adds, before leaving the workshop and closing the door behind her.

 

Tony relaxes as soon as she’s gone, thinking over the conversation. He’s not ready to talk about it. Maybe someday, but it’s waited this long already; it can wait a little while longer.


End file.
